Wide asleep.

Right now, I am sitting at the computer (obviously, I'm like, typing this) right next to Jake's room. I can hear him talking. Fussing a little. It's midnight. I just put him down. As in, for the first time tonight.

I don't know what to do!

Honestly, I haven't been stressing about it. I've heard/seen so many situations where parents gave themselves so much stress over getting their baby to bed "on time" every night. Lots of tears, lots of frustration, lots of tension between the parents, and that's not something I want.

So pretty much every night we just hangout. All three of us, chilling till like, 1am.

Is that normal?

It's hard because Mark wants to spend time with him.

"Mark, we should try to get him down."

"He's not tired."

"So? We need to try. We need to get him into a routine."

"But look how happy he is!"

Mark will then proceed to tickle Jake.

And I give up. Because honestly, I love our evenings together. Jake is in such a good mood at night and it's a lot of fun.

However, everything is starting to feel... off.

Like, I get him down sometime between midnight at 2am. He's up at 4. Then he's up when Mark leaves for work. Then I just keep him in bed with me and we fall back asleep until noon.

This has been going on ever since we got back from our trip.

Is it teething? Is he still recovering from travel? Am I just a bad mom who lets her kids party all night and sleep all day? Is he always going to want to do this? Should I just put him in his crib at 8pm and say "Go to sleep. Now." and that be that?

What I would give to go back to the days when he would sleep from 9pm to 7am. Stupid teeth.

That'll do, Pig.

So, Monday morning when Mark was pulling the recycle bin to the curb, he noticed something odd and called me outside.

Our yard was destroyed. Like, just ripped up.

Our first thought was "Who would do this?" We started running through our minds trying to see if we'd done something to tick someone off, and when we couldn't think of anything, we started considering other options.

A cat? No, way too much damage for a cat.

A dog? Maybe, but it'd have to be a big dog. And it doesn't look like something a dog would do.

"You know Mark, the other night when I was driving home from the gym, remember how I almost hit an animal that looked like a big pig? And it ran across the street and joined a big group of what looked like pigs?"

"Wait... that would make sense... look at these markings..."

We noticed as we looked closer that is seemed like tusks had been digging around.

Mark left for work, and then called me a couple minutes later.

"I drove around the neighborhood, and we're not the only ones. Several yards have been dug up, some of them way worse than ours."

Later on I went on a walk and saw what he was talking about. It looked like a scene from a horror movie--lots of pretty yards, and then random spots that were just completely shredded.

I looked closer at the sidewalk and saw little pigs feet markings.

So, basically, we have a wild hog infestation.

WHAT. THE. BLEEP.

I would expect deer. Or even Coyotes. Or heck, wolves.

But pigs? Like, just roaming around? Ruining everyone's lives? Really?

We looked it up and sure enough, Texas is overrun with them, and they are a common nuisance. How we have lived here missing that little fact, I have no clue.

So, yeah. There's that.

Trying my best.

Can I just say I'm glad it's November? Not to hate on Halloween or anything, but for us, it's really just kinda a stepping stone to the good stuff. 

I have been obsessing the past couple months with getting in shape in time for the holidays. I mean, if other moms can be in shape within a few months of having their babies, why can't I? So I've been trying different apps (My Fitness Pal), joined a gym, considered "eating clean" for a week, and before I was pregnant I had experimented with all kinds of fad diets and cleanses. And I think I've finally figured out what works for me. 

It's a little something I like to call "Trying my best." 

It's not a fad diet or an amazing app or a strict calorie-counting regime, but it works for me. 

I exercise now, every day that I can. I joined a gym that is right around the corner, so when I get even just 30 mins free, I can pop over there and be back to feed my baby. And no, I'm not that girl running on the treadmill with sweat dripping all over the place, but I exercise. 

I eat healthy, 90% of the time. My diet consists mostly of homemade hummus, raw veggies, raw fruits, healthy black bean "brownies," protein shakes, and yes, sometimes a frozen pizza gets thrown into the mix. I'm not perfect, but I eat healthy. I'm not vegan or paleo or clean or organic, but I eat healthy. I've also been making an effort to eat more often, in smaller portions, which helps keep my energy up. 

Sometimes I use Smart Balance, and sometimes I use butter. 

Sometimes I use Agave, sometimes Splenda (gasp), and sometimes, only sometimes, good ole' white, processed sugar (double gasp). 

Sometimes I give in and eat way too much way too late at night. 

But I'm trying my best. 

I've realized that it's more important to work on overall health and lifestyle than it is to reach a certain weight goal by a certain time. I want to be in shape and attractive, but I also want to enjoy my life, and heck, even enjoy food. 

So here's to trying my best! 

Oh, and my baby is perfect. 

"It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!"

We took our first family trip to a pumpkin patch last Saturday.

We got a fantastic deal on Groupon that included a "Trip for two (plus our baby) to the Westcreek Pumpkin Patch! Includes pizza and a drink for both, and a free pumpkin for EACH guest! Plus free access to a hay ride, a hay maze, and a petting zoo!"

So I was like, heck yeah! What a bargain! We get to go enjoy the outdoors at a beautiful location, pick out our own pumpkins to carve, and get lunch! Plus see cute animals!

So we show up, go to the table to show our Groupon, and the lady informs us that they are "out of free pumpkins, and the pumpkins that were free were actually small ones that can fit in your hand anyway, but that you can buy their bigger pumpkins."

Disappointed, we retrieved our free pizza and soda and stood around awkwardly eating because we learned that pushing the stroller with one hand was impossible when navigating dirt and rocky terrain.

We then proceeded to the "pumpkin patch."

What should have been this:

Turned out to be this:

Oh, and let me tell you about the hay maze. 

What should have been this: 

Turned out to be this: 

(Just so you know, the entire maze is pictured. It was like, 10 feet around.) 

At least the petting zoo was ok. They didn't have any llamas as advertised, but the pig was pretty flipping cute, as were the goats. Pretty sure we liked it more than Jake. 

Overall, the place sucked, but it was a nice excuse to get out and enjoy the season with our little pumpkin. Can't believe this time last year we were announcing we were pregnant, and now our little guy is here! 

Life is good, and we have so much to be grateful for. 

Even if our Groupon failed us. 

A Tribute to Joshua Magleby

Introducing Joshua Magleby. 

I met him at college. He was room mates with Mark, and had the hots for one of my room mates, and I had the hots for Mark, so we got to know each other pretty darn well. 

He and Mark grew up in California together, and have been close friends for a long time. 

 This past summer, he had the opportunity to internship at a super fancy hotel-resort-type place in San Antonio, so we got to see a lot of him, and he got to meet our baby.  

"Slobbery baby selfie!" 

Funny story actually-- he was spending the night in our guest room the first time I went to the hospital thinking I might be in labor (which turned out to be a 36 hour stay at the hospital for a stupid bladder infection). Anyway, he has seen both of us in our best and our worst, and has been such a dear friend. And now he's basically an Uncle. 

And I promise Jake liked him. Josh actually got him to laugh for the first time! 

He's back in Utah at school, but we miss him terribly, and wanted him to know how important he is to us. Love you Joshy! And you better get a job in Texas so we can all live happily ever after! 

Oh, and I took the above pictures of these silly boys in my room mate's beds. And then they printed the pictures out and put them in the picture frames they had up on the wall and waited for them to notice. It was pretty awesome. 

The Crib.

We finally got our house all decorated and settled-in to. It's been so much fun making this place feel like home, even though we're just renting it for a few years. 

I just wanted to share a few pictures with whoever wants to check it out! I'm pretty proud of what we've accomplished. It's taken hours of Craigslisting and Pinteresting, but it was worth it! 

The Nursery: 

Mark wanted to have something from Star Wars in his room, so we made this sign out of a couple canvas boards I got at a Salvation Army months ago. 

The blanket on the wall was a gift we received at Christmas. It hung in Mark's room when he was a baby, and now it hangs in Jake's.

And yes, that's a Dumb and Dumber poster. We'll get a big family picture in there one day, but for now, these guys are gonna have to do.

I made these little bookshelves from IKEA spice racks. 

And we made him. But I'm not gonna tell you how. 

The Master Bedroom: 

I searched for MONTHS for a perfect white bedroom set, and found this amazing set for $350 on Craigslist. The bed, the nightstand, AND the dresser. The bed was broken on the bottom, so Mark did his manly man thing and got some wood and screws at Home Depot and fixed it all up. And now it's all perfect. I am absolutely in love with this set, and hope we have it forever. 

And that mirror up in the top right I got at Goodwill. It used to be purple. No lie. And you can barely see it, but in the top left, I have a shadow box that holds my wedding veil. 

And there's my little songwriting/recording nook. I still need to paint the piano bench, but I'll get around to it eventually. 

THIS is a prized project for me. It took a lot of mapping out and rearranging (that Mark mostly did) but I love how it turned out. It's a giant collage of various family pictures from both sides of our family. Including our cats. 

I made this scarf hanger thing out of an old rake I got for free at a garage sale. 

And we made them. But I'm not gonna tell you how. 

Just kidding. Pretty sure I can't have kittens. Just humans. 

Downstairs: 

I got this coffee table for $10 off Craigslist, and painted it yellow and white. And that's the baby blanket I made for Jake (that I finished a week ago). 

And there you have it! I love our little nest.

One of those days.

Yesterday I decided I would run some errands. Mark was working from home, so I could take the car.

I loaded up Jake, a bunch of stuff for Goodwill, and some returns I needed to make, and headed out. It was one of my first times taking Jake out by myself, but what's the worst that could happen?

First stop was The Magnolia Pancake Haus to have breakfast with Nicole and her cute little girl.

My baby of course had a blow out while there. You know, ooze all over his car seat and whatnot. But at least breakfast was delicious, and the company great.

Then I took him to get his PKU done (which I was supposed to get done, like, a week after he was born). He was a champ! Didn't cry at all, even though they had to prick his heel twice to get enough blood. He was awesome.

Then we got in the car, and he decided it was the perfect time to start screaming.

He cried all the way to The Burlington Coat Factory.

I parked the car quickly, took the keys out of ignition, and hurried to get Jake out of the backseat. I took him out of his car seat, slipped my keys into the pocket of my diaper bag (also in the backseat), and reached for the bag.

Then the door closed. Before I got my hand in the door to get my bag.

See where I'm going with this?

Luckily, my phone was in my pocket, not in my bag. Which was in the backseat. Of the car. Locked.

By the way, Jake was still screaming through all of this.

I hurried inside the building and entered a big lobby (one where my baby's screams could echo beautifully throughout). I tried calling Mark like 10 times before I finally downloaded the "Find my iPhone app" which Mark always uses to "page me" when I don't answer my phone. Finally he heard the phone beeping upstairs and called me back, and I explained my dilemma.

Then I hung up on him, because Jake was STILL screaming, and everyone was staring at me, presumably thinking what a horrible mom I was for not tending to her baby's needs.

I figured he probably needed to nurse, but I did not have my nursing cover.

He kept screaming. I decided I didn't care if I flashed a bunch of strangers.

I took off my button up shirt (luckily I was wearing a cap sleeve underneath) and used it as a cover (even though it was a sheer material). And of course when I was attempting to get my baby to latch, a bunch of men kept walking by the bench I was on. Of course.

Anyway. Long story short, I called Mark back, and I got in touch with Karen, a sweet lady in my church, who offered to pick up Mark and his car keys, and bring him to me. What a life saver.

Everything turned out okay. Even if I didn't get all my errands done. And the whole thing sucked, but I'm so grateful to be apart of a church community where people are so willing to take time out of their days to help others.

And the moral of the story is, ALWAYS have your keys in your hand or pocket... not inside a locked car.

Potty Talk

So, yesterday (Sunday) I got Jake all dressed up with a cute little white dress shirt and plaid shorts. 

During the first hour of church, he spit up all over it. Like, 3 times. 

Then, during primary, he started pooping. Mark was holding him, just letting him do his thing until he was done so we could go change him. Then it started oozing out the top of his shorts. 

So we both run out, holding a burp rag on his bum to contain the craziness. We got to a family bathroom and conquered the mess (which got pretty much everywhere). 

Once he's all cleaned and his outfit is changed, we got back to primary, only to find out that there is a nice little splat where his ooze had fallen on the carpet. So I spent the next 10 minutes getting paper towels, scrubbing up my baby's crap off the floor while the rest of the children sang songs. 

Then he spit up a few more times. And I had to change him. And change his clothes. Again. 

Oh, and when changing his diaper at home later that day, he totally peed on my face. 

And yet, I love him all the more for all his messy cuteness. 

Also, my husband is the best. I get these projects in my head, get all the stuff for them, and intend to do them, but then he takes over and does his design thing, and makes it look way better than I would have. 

I got the idea to do a Menu planner from this blog: 

http://www.cgdickson.com/2012/01/08/the-ultimate-menu-board-2/

And here's how mine turned out: 

It's awesome, and makes planning meals out SO much easier! Ours is a lot simpler than a lot of the designs out there, but we like it better that way :) Mark turned jello boxes into the little boxes that hold the menu cards, and I spray painted the clothes pins. It was a fun project! 

And yes, on Saturday we're making Hot Cats. Same thing as Hot Dogs, but we like cats better.

AND! I FINALLY finished our wedding scrapbook! I have had this perfect yellow scrapbook in the closet for years just waiting to be filled, and I finally got it all done! So proud of myself. 

I'm one happy mama. 

Beyond Words.

I don't have any funny stories to share today. I just want to share my gratitude.

The way I feel about Jacob is beyond words. He has changed us.

He makes us more patient, more kind, more considerate. He reminds me every day why I'm here.

I feel like I was put on this earth to be his mama. I know that there is and will be more to my life, but right now, nothing else seems to matter.

I consistently find myself lying on the floor next to him when I know I "should" be doing dishes. My favorite thing is just staring at him. Everything else can wait. He keeps growing and growing and I feel like if I blink, I'll miss something. So I don't intend to blink.

He's completely charming. His little sounds, his little smiles, his little sneezes and yawns and coughs and coos... It's overwhelming.

Usually I can write songs about stuff that makes me feel so much, but I've been having a hard time putting the way I feel about him into words. It's unlike anything I've ever experienced.

I am so grateful for this little man. Even though he is currently pooping in his diaper, you know, the one I JUST changed.

Babies > iPads

So, Mark came to an interesting conclusion the other day.

"You know how people always say 'It's different when they're your own' about kids? Well, I've decided that's true."

It always surprises me in a good way when Mark talks about "mushy, girly" stuff with me. But then he continued.

"It's just like with my iPad. Like, if I play with someone else's iPad, sure, it's cool, but I get bored of using someone else's iPad. I like my own so much more. It has all my stuff on it. I know more about it and know how to use it, and I downloaded the apps I want to be on it, so it's just for me."

"So you like our baby more because it has our 'downloaded' material on it?"

"Yeah! And like, it'd be the same with an adopted baby. Because even though you didn't get it brand new, you still make it your own, and can download the apps you want and make it yours."

"So, you're comparing children to iPads. We're really having this conversation."

"Yes! Doesn't it make so much sense?"

Yes it does.

We love our Jake so flipping much. It's so much fun to see him grow and learn. And to see how he is so much a mix of us.

He's recently started figuring out how to splash during bath time, and loves it. And I love watching him.

He eats a LOT and has grown so much.

He makes little giggle sounds and smiles all the time.

He sucks on his fist sometimes. Like, not his thumb. He seems to want to get the whole dogone hand in there.

He talks all the time.

He sleeps about 7 hours at night, on average. It's amazing.

We are so in love with him it's stupid.

Let's be honest.

Being a mom is wonderful.

I love my little boy.

I love our days together.

I love seeing him when Mark brings his hungry little self into our room in the morning.

I love nursing him.

I love knowing that I can nourish him with my own body. I mean, how amazing is that.

I love all the little sounds he makes.

I love seeing him change and grow every day.

Being a mom is also hard.

I love Jake. So much.

But sometimes our days together just seem so LONG and by the time Mark gets home I'm literally desperate to take a shower. Or eat something. Or just stand up from the couch and walk around.

And sometimes the morning comes too soon. Especially since my brain can't seem to turn itself off until 2am anymore, so when he wakes up at 6 or 7 and Mark is super excited that Jake slept "all night again," I'm still a groggy mess.

And nursing... well, it IS getting better. But also more complicated. Sometimes it still hurts, and hurts BAD. And lately I keep asking myself if he is getting enough food, because sometimes I'll just sit there and try for hours to feed him, and he'll be "eating," but seem like he's starving afterwards. So I'm like, chugging water now trying to make sure my supply is staying up. But man. It's confusing.

And is it normal for babies to cry so much? Like, just because they're gassy? No normal person does that. Like, if you have to burp, you just do it. So why is it such a big deal for babies?!

And as much as I love all these changes and how he's growing, I wish he'd stop! I feel like if I blink I'm gonna miss some important milestone, or forget to write something down, or forget to take a picture or a video or agh!!!!

Okay. Done venting.

And honestly, I have never been happier. But it has been a long day, and it helps me feel better to get all my stresses out on here. Plus, I'm really hoping someone will read this and tell me that this is all normal and every mom feels like this sometimes. :)

Ode to the Couch

I basically live on our couch these days. Well, there or the bed, but I like the couch cause I can watch Drop Dead Diva there. Plus if I nurse Jake in our bed then I fall asleep and he falls asleep which is sometimes awesome, but sometimes just a sweaty mess. As much as I love snuggles with him, mid-day in Texas with limited air conditioning is not conducive to the best experience.

Jake eats a TON. I feel like I'm always glued to the couch feeding him. But I love it.

I'm so grateful he's been so good at breastfeeding. And just like everyone told me, it's gotten MUCH easier. We do give him a bottle of formula at night though, because someone told us to try it out because it helped their babies sleep through the night, and guess what?! They were RIGHT! A lot of the time, Jake sleeps up to 8 hours at night. It's glorious. He's such a good boy!

My parents came to visit last week, which was great. I got lots of naps, and my parents were able to spend lots of time bonding with their new grandson. Plus they kept us all fed and kept up with the house. It was a much needed break.

My days with Jake are somewhat uneventful and mellow, but so wonderful. Just watching his little facial expressions, hearing his little voice as he tries to "talk," or seeing his little legs kick... It's all so magical.

We feel so grateful to have been sent such a sweet boy. Life is so good.

Perfect Timing

Today was my first day alone with Jake.

The past two weeks were wonderful. Almost like a second honeymoon. Mark was able to take some paid time off, so we've just been in this magical baby land where hours don't exist, and it's been great.

But now we're getting back to the real world.

Today was hard. Not like, crazy hard, but just... hard. I knew motherhood would be demanding, and that's exactly what I signed up for. I love caring for our little boy.

But let's be honest. I miss sleep. Every time I am woken up by the baby monitor after a 3 hour stretch of sleep (or less) I just want to die a little bit.

And let's be more honest. Breastfeeding is hard. And painful. And wonderful. But painful.

And let's be even more honest. Sometimes I end up formula feeding him simply because it just hurts so much to breast feed. And maybe that makes me a bad mom. But hey, I'm just trying to keep my sanity. Sane mom makes for happy, full baby.

And let's be super duper more honest. Every time I change his darn diaper, as SOON as I put the clean one on and he's all clean and fresh and perfect... I hear it. You know what I'm talking about.

Anyway, I finally got Jake back to sleep around 3, and fell asleep myself. And then the baby monitor woke me up an hour later, and I literally dragged myself out of bed to go feed him, about wanting to cry because I just wanted to keep sleeping so bad.

I ended up with him on our bed propped up in the boppy pillow, me curled up next to him wrapped in a blanket, feeding him a bottle while we both half dozed off.

Then I heard the garage door open.

My half asleep mind processed that Mark was home, but I dared not move from my comfy spot on the edge of the bed.

I heard him walk up the stairs, and walk into the bedroom, and when I opened my eyes, I saw Mark standing there, holding a large bouquet of beautiful coral roses, a large bag of dark chocolate covered fruit, and the Frozen soundtrack that has been stuck in my head for a week.

"Happy Early Anniversary."

I just broke down into tears. Somehow, everything was okay again.

I'm still tired (well, a little less so after eating some of that chocolate fruit). But life is so good, and I am not in this alone. I have a wonderful man in my life who supports me in being a stay at home mom, and works hard for us and loves us. And I have been blessed to be with him for three years (tomorrow). And I get to be with him forever.

And yeah, motherhood is still hard. But this beginning part will pass. And I'm just gonna relish in the wonderful misery of it all, because it will be over before I know it, and I know I'll miss this precious time.