Perfect Timing

Today was my first day alone with Jake.

The past two weeks were wonderful. Almost like a second honeymoon. Mark was able to take some paid time off, so we've just been in this magical baby land where hours don't exist, and it's been great.

But now we're getting back to the real world.

Today was hard. Not like, crazy hard, but just... hard. I knew motherhood would be demanding, and that's exactly what I signed up for. I love caring for our little boy.

But let's be honest. I miss sleep. Every time I am woken up by the baby monitor after a 3 hour stretch of sleep (or less) I just want to die a little bit.

And let's be more honest. Breastfeeding is hard. And painful. And wonderful. But painful.

And let's be even more honest. Sometimes I end up formula feeding him simply because it just hurts so much to breast feed. And maybe that makes me a bad mom. But hey, I'm just trying to keep my sanity. Sane mom makes for happy, full baby.

And let's be super duper more honest. Every time I change his darn diaper, as SOON as I put the clean one on and he's all clean and fresh and perfect... I hear it. You know what I'm talking about.

Anyway, I finally got Jake back to sleep around 3, and fell asleep myself. And then the baby monitor woke me up an hour later, and I literally dragged myself out of bed to go feed him, about wanting to cry because I just wanted to keep sleeping so bad.

I ended up with him on our bed propped up in the boppy pillow, me curled up next to him wrapped in a blanket, feeding him a bottle while we both half dozed off.

Then I heard the garage door open.

My half asleep mind processed that Mark was home, but I dared not move from my comfy spot on the edge of the bed.

I heard him walk up the stairs, and walk into the bedroom, and when I opened my eyes, I saw Mark standing there, holding a large bouquet of beautiful coral roses, a large bag of dark chocolate covered fruit, and the Frozen soundtrack that has been stuck in my head for a week.

"Happy Early Anniversary."

I just broke down into tears. Somehow, everything was okay again.

I'm still tired (well, a little less so after eating some of that chocolate fruit). But life is so good, and I am not in this alone. I have a wonderful man in my life who supports me in being a stay at home mom, and works hard for us and loves us. And I have been blessed to be with him for three years (tomorrow). And I get to be with him forever.

And yeah, motherhood is still hard. But this beginning part will pass. And I'm just gonna relish in the wonderful misery of it all, because it will be over before I know it, and I know I'll miss this precious time.