One week.

One week from today we will find out if we're having a bouncing baby boy or a perfect little princess.

I feel so blessed to have had such a stable pregnancy. The first part of pregnancy I was always asking myself, "Is this really happening? Like, am I still pregnant?" It's so easy to get caught up in the horror stories of everyone else's pregnancies, and it's easy to get discouraged and wonder what will happen during yours.

And although pregnancy sure isn't "easy," we have been very fortunate and blessed. Mama's healthy, baby's healthy, life is good.

Can't wait to find out what we're having so I can start fantasizing about quilts and crafts and baby clothes.

Squish Squish Squish

There's nothing quite like that sound. Especially when it's the sound of your baby's heartbeat.

Got to hear it yesterday with Mark for the second time. Our sweet baby is healthy, as am I.

And seriously, the little "squish squish squish" sound of it's heartbeat is the cutest flipping sound.

And..... we get to find out the gender in ONE MONTH! So excited!

Also, it seems my misery has come to a halt! I got a prescription for Zofran, and it has seriously changed everything. I don't feel perfect, but I can FUNCTION again. I don't do well with nausea (who does?) but now I don't have to wake up and head to the bathroom every morning to throw up (or sit on the floor wondering if I'm going to). I can sleep. It's wonderful! But then again, it's only been a day. But still. I have high hopes. I REALLY needed a good day, and I had that today :)

Life feels sshtshtfh

^That was my kitty. Pretty sure that's Cat for "Life feels good." And I couldn't agree more.

Baby Section of Walmart

I just realized this is my second post in one day. This is kind of becoming my journal I think. It's WAY easier than writing. Like, with my hand. With a pencil. Who does that anymore?

Anyway, went to Wal-mart tonight, and before we left, I asked Mark if we could stroll through the baby section. I thought it'd make me feel better, you know, like seeing strollers and diapers would remind me that this was all worth it.

I wasn't expecting to burst into tears. Not my proudest Wal-mart moment.
(I wonder if anyone actually has proud moments in wal-mart...) 

This is happening. Like, after this long, emotionally draining, physically demanding pregnancy, I will have an infant. A little human. One that we made. One we're responsible for. Like, that's really happening.

It's not just some cute baby at church I get to hold. It's not my sister's cute baby that I can just hand back when it starts crying. It's going to be MY baby.

I have looked forward to having children my whole life. Ask Mark, I've been wanting him to knock me up since we got married, but we both knew we should wait till it felt right. And it felt right, and we got pregnant. So why does it feel so terrifying now?

I know that I'm blessed to have a body capable of doing this. I know that it's going to change our lives for the better. I know that we are going to love that thing to pieces. We might even love it more than our cats. Maybe.

But I just... need a hug.

Thy Will Be Done

So, this week continues to be challenging. I woke up this morning feeling sick, as usual. I was trying super hard to get the courage to stand up so I could go make myself some ginger tea, but I just couldn't do it. I was too scared I would throw up if I stood up.

Then I got a phone call. Ignored it, figured they'd leave a voicemail.

Then they texted me. Turns out it was my Visiting Teachers from church! I had totally forgotten that they were coming over. They were in the lobby just waiting for me to give them my apartment number.

I had no choice but to get up.

It was uncomfortable, but somehow I walked through the dizzy cloud I was feeling and made some tea, and sat on the couch.

They arrived, and thank goodness they did.

Sure, I almost threw up when they were here, but luckily these ladies have "been there, done that" so they weren't all grossed out by me.

They taught me a very important lesson, one I've been needing to hear.

When Jesus suffered for our sins in Gethsemane, He called out to His father in pain. He asked for that cup to pass from Him.

Then, however, He said, "Not my will, but thine be done."

It occurred to me that I've been asking God to let this cup pass from me, but not accepting that His will is what needs to be done. I have had a hard time accepting that.

We will go through challenges. We're supposed to. And God's not going to take them away all the time. He WILL, however, help us through them, if we let Him.

As scary as it is, I'm giving up my will. My stubborn, hard-headed, determined will, and letting God take it from here.

Pregnancy is hard.

I mean, duh. Of course it's not easy. But I was kinda thinking I lucked out. I mean, I made it to 13 weeks without throwing up, or really even feeling that terrible. Sure, there were days when I just wanted to sleep all day. Sure, there were times when I felt nauseated. But I mean... I thought I just lucked out.

Sunday this week, I bragged to my friends and family about how "the worst was over." I felt awesome. Just bubbly, alive, and awesome.

Monday I woke up, ran to the bathroom, and experienced true "morning sickness."

Side note: You know your husband loves you when he insists on sitting with you, rubbing your back, comforting you while you throw up, making the most ungodly noises. He's a trooper.

And then it was over. He went to work. I went to bed.

And then went to go throw up again.

Then it was really over. But I haven't felt the same since. It's wednesday now, and I still feel gross, nauseated, exhausted, and just... meh. I feel like how most women describe morning sickness, except it's my second trimester. I thought this was supposed to be over?

Not to mention my anxiety is at it's peak. Which doesn't make anything better. I should probably mention that all my life I've had a phobia of throwing up, which makes any experience I have throwing up a traumatic experience, to say the least. In my head I know it's not a big deal, but my body still reacts with fear like it used to. Working on that.

All I want to do is lay in bed and sleep. Just sleep through feeling like crap. But aint nobody got time for that.

I don't mean to complain. I am so grateful for this little baby in my belly. And I am grateful for these signs that the baby is healthy, even if it is unpleasant for me. And I'm grateful I lucked out for so long. I have so much to be grateful for.

I just.... bleh.

Introducing Baby McCann!

So excited to FINALLY be able to post something about this :)

We are expecting our little pumpkin right around May 20th, 2014. I'm just about 12 weeks pregnant, and happy as ever.

Seeing those "you're pregnant" lines on the pregnancy tests was one of the most exhilarating experiences I've ever had. Even if it was in a Wal-mart bathroom (ok, I was a little anxious). I almost couldn't believe it. But it's happening, and it's wonderful.

Pregnancy is hard. But I knew it would be. And I've been extremely fortunate to have mild morning all the time sickness, although I've been extremely exhausted and gross-feeling. But growing a human is the best possible reason to feel like crap all the time.

We feel very fortunate to have gotten pregnant at this time in our lives. We've prayed for the past two years to know when the right time would be, and feel like things have really worked out for the best. Mark has a great, stable job with USAA, I'm graduating from BYU-I in December, and things just feel right.

We already had our first ultrasound and got to hear our baby's heartbeat. It was seriously the coolest thing.

They aren't kidding when they tell you about cravings. When I have the chance to splurge on a craving (which I can't always do, because if I did I would regret it. Like my craving for cheese the past two days. Which is why I currently can't breathe well and am coughing like an idiot. Can't keep eating cheese. Dangit.) it's like an out-of-body experience. Like, food becomes this magical thing that exists only for my happiness. But then the next minute, food (ALL food) just makes me want to throw up. It's a love-hate relationship.

And my belly is already starting to show. And trust me, I've told myself that it was just from a meal, or that it's too soon... But that bump isn't going anywhere. No matter what I do or how much I suck in. I love it.

Yay for babies :)

As good as it gets?

So, can we all just agree that when you get married, you get fat?

(For those few couples out there who like, work out together, diet together, and are all fit and happy, shut up, you're not real)

We (mostly me) have been trying so hard to make some lifestyle changes. We don't eat junk food, but we don't eat super-duper healthy food either. We don't work out, but we're not couch potatoes either. We're just.... meh. And once in a while one of us will work out and feel awesome, and we'll have like, a super healthy dinner. But then we wake up, and bad habits start back in.

I remember when we were dating. Mark and I were both pretty darn fit! I dare say, skinny!

Then we got married.

All of a sudden, I'm a wife, and LOVE to cook. And I'm not talking quinoa cakes and zucchini fries.

And all of a sudden, Mark's a husband. And LOVES to eat. And while I have tried healthy, Pinterest-inspired delicacies, they don't go over well with Mark. He just grimaces, and goes to get a bowl of cereal. But we still tried to be healthy, even though we weren't perfect.

But when did we stop caring?

Today before church, while Mark was getting ready, he looks at himself, slaps his belly, grabs it all in his hands, and says, "Well, this is just who I am! And there's nothing I can do about it!"

And I laughed, and joined in about my chubby chubs.

And we both laughed about how we are just going to get fatter and fatter, and made jokes about just giving up on our bodies and just being blobs.

And it was funny... for the moment.

But it got me thinking. This isn't who we are, and we CAN do something about it! And i'm not just talking about being a little chubby. I'm talking about our lack of motivation, energy, and confidence. There are so many reasons to get physically fit, and being able to fit into our old clothes would be awesome.

This changes, now!

Anyone got any good tips on how to get (and stay) in shape? Obviously we need to exercise and eat better (and less), but have any of you tried anything fun or different that worked for you? We're open to any ideas!

Love,
Mr. and Mrs. Chubbers

Ode to Friendship

This week, I have the honor of attending the wedding of a dear friend of mine. 

We were "Like, totally BFF'S" ever since I moved to Georgia when I was 12. We were the weirdest, loudest, most obnoxious kids ever. 

We spent most of our teenage years having sleepovers, fighting with each other, making stupid, I mean awesome, movies and music videos, but mostly just talking. She taught me so much about who I could be, and is a huge reason I am who I am today. 

The first time I ever really showed someone a song I'd written was with her, behind my closed bedroom door, with pillows and blankets up against the bottom of the door so nobody could hear me. She's the reason I got courage to share my talent, and is the first person who told me to "Go for it." 

She's also the King of Beers. 

Ok, that was a joke. And probably only funny to me. But anyway. 

I can't even put together all of the times that she saved me from doing something totally stupid, or helped me when I needed it most. No matter how dumb I could be sometimes, she never judged me or made me feel like I was a bad person. I know I wasn't always the best of friends to her. I could be immature and selfish. But she was always there, no matter what, and for that I will always be grateful. 

We used to talk about our futures. We both "knew" who we would marry, and both "planned" on serving full time missions for the LDS church we belong to. I got married to some guy (and by "some guy" I mean the man of my dreams I didn't know existed at the time) from college, and didn't end up serving a full time mission. Melissa pressed forward to her mission, but life had other plans for her, and she is now marrying some guy (and by "some guy" I mean the man her of dreams that she didn't know existed until now). They look absolutely perfect for each other, and I can't wait to meet the lucky fellow. 

 Life has taken different directions than we'd planned. We were supposed to marry a set of brothers, be next door neighbors, and raise up the most obnoxious kids ever. But this works too.

I was honored to have Melissa travel to California for my wedding back in 2011.

She was there for me at 5am as I got my hair and make-up done, and helping me not totally explode out of anxiousness.

 She was there to help me lace up my wedding dress.

She's been there for everything. Love you Mel-oo-hoo! I am so incredibly happy for you. Thanks for letting me share in your special day, I can't wait! 

What husbands are for.

So, minutes before church yesterday, I got a call from my boss.

"Hey, instead of coming in at 5am tomorrow can you come in at 2:30am? It would really help us out."

Talk about a sabbath day damper! 

"Uh, yeah, I guess so. Five hours or eight hours?"

"Up to you."

Yeah, like I'd work 8 hours by choice after getting up in the middle of the night. 

"Let's say five. So 2:30am?"

"Actually, let's go ahead and make it 2 o'clock."

Yeah. Let's just go ahead. Right. Kay. Awesome. 

"Awesome. Kay. See ya tomorrow."

Click.

So, instead of enjoying my sunday evening with Mark, I went to bed at 9pm. I should have earlier, but who wants to go to bed at 5pm?

Mark tucked me in and said a prayer with me, then went to go clean the house while I slept.

I woke up at 1:15am, a complete zombie. I noticed that Mark was still not next to me. I got up and turned on the bathroom light, and then Mark walks in and gives me the biggest hug.

He knew that staying up and seeing me off would make it easier for me to go (if he was in bed, snoozing away, I would be about 20% more bitter).

Suddenly going to work at that unearthly hour didn't seem so horrible.

Okay, it still did. And I came home and slept until 1pm. But having him there to send me off with a prayer and a few hugs made all the difference. Not a day goes by that I don't feel incredibly blessed to be married to this selfless, sacrificing, silly man.

True love?

So, men and women are very different. But sometimes I get surprised at how alike we are.

Yesterday in the car, Mark started rambling on about computer/internet/electronic mumbo-jumbo.

"We can upgrade the blah blah and it'll make the blah go faster and it's only blah dollars and then at work I was programming blah blah using the blah interface and I can host my own blah right from home and our iMac will be so much faster and blah blah." 

He does this a lot, and I usually just let him get it out of his system while I zone out and say "Uh-huh" a lot.

But yesterday, I decided to take advantage of the situation.

"Hey so Mark, today I went to Goodwill and got a bunch of really cute frames for like a buck each and I found this adorable mirror and I got some free spray paint from some ladies at work, and I want to cover an entire wall with pictures, but I'll need your help organizing them cause you have more of an eye for design. I'm thinking about doing something for the kitchen too above the cupboards.." You get the point. 

Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed rambling. Then I asked him a question. And this was his response:

"Um...I'm sorry, I just realized I was supposed to be listening. Is that what its like for you when I go on about my stuff?"

Apparently all he heard was "Paint blah blah crafts blahhhh blah I spent money today on crap blah blah."

Here's to pretending to listen and care about each other's life passions!

:)

Howdy Ya'll

So... It's official. In 17 days, we will be making our big move to San Antonio, Texas!

Mark got the interview with USAA a few weeks ago, and they flew him out to SA to meet them and interview. But we were still almost positive we were going to go with a company in Provo, UT called Qualtrics. Qualtrics definitely fit Mark's personality, and had amazing connections. Plus they had a company dog. I mean, awesome right? But even though Mark kept telling me "We don't know for sure" I just assumed we'd go there. I knew it was what he really wanted. I was a little bummed, not gonna lie, but I wasn't sure why. It just felt off.

And then I figured out why. When Mark got the generous job offer from USAA, the feeling we both got threw us for a loop. It just felt right. It didn't seem logical at first, but once it became a reality we felt peaceful and comforted about our decision.

It will be hard to be so far away from our families, but it will be an opportunity to grow and begin our own family. It will be hard not knowing anyone, but it will be an opportunity to make friends. It will be strange going from Mormon-Land to Country-Bible Belt-Cow Boy-Land, but change is a good thing!

So, here's to Mark's last "finals week" and our last semester on campus. Here's to beginning our grown-up life.

And... dude. It's like 80 degrees there this week.

Can I get an amen!?

So, we are officially about 6 weeks away from moving away from Rexburg, ID. And we still have no idea where we're heading. Well, we have an idea, but we still won't know for sure for probably a few weeks. Gonna be cutting it close, and I don't know about you guys, but this whole not having control over what's happening thing is pretty crazy!

I've also been stressing out about where we'll live. How long we'll rent an apartment. How soon we should buy a home. How we'll furnish and decorate and how soon. The inner interior designer in me is just ITCHING to paint some walls, and the idea of moving to another apartment I can't change to my own needs bums me out.

However, I was just looking through some old baby pictures of me and my sister. Instead of just staring at our adorable faces (and my enormous body), I paid attention to the background of the pictures. The furniture wasn't that nice. In one picture, there was wall paper coming off one wall. We were always in transition, never stayed anywhere longer than 6 years. We didn't live in an official "house" until I was 13 years old.

But I didn't think about that back then. I didn't care what the couch looked like... Heck, I peed on our couch. I didn't care about the color of the walls or how the place was decorated or if I had the nicest clothes. My mom loved us so much and was always with us, and my dad came home from work every day and gave us the biggest hugs. And we were happy and content.

Changes in scenery were exciting. Mistakes and messes were common. I spent most of my time making forts and playing with dirt and barbies.

My life wasn't perfect. There were hard times, and I'm sure my parents dealt with stresses that I had no idea about. But the point is, I don't remember that. And it's comforting to know that my children will not be disappointed in me if things aren't perfect.

I've decided to live in the moment, instead of stressing out over being "settled" somewhere. Life is always changing, and so am I.

So here's to never being settled, never feeling prepared for what's ahead, and looking for the best in whatever life throws at us.

So, got some new exciting developments in our lives!

and no, I'm not pregnant. Let's just get that out there.

Turns out, instead of both of us graduating in July this year like we'd planned, Mark will graduate in April (like 2 months!) and me in December. Turns out I have more credits left than I thought, and Mark doesn't need another internship. I've switched my minor to one I can do completely online, so come April, we could me moving anywhere!

I'd say I'm happy we're leaving Idaho, but.... No, I think that's mostly a good thing :)

Mark's already got companies calling him and interviewing him, and is in contact with a few other great businesses. We'll see what happens!

Looks like we're finally almost in the stage of our lives called "real life." Can't wait to get started!

Love, Erica and Mark